


Fear Is The Color Green

by ElvenArcher



Series: Short Pieces and Drabbles [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-18
Updated: 2013-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-25 23:56:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/644307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElvenArcher/pseuds/ElvenArcher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I am a Nobody. You can’t imagine how long it took me to be able to say those words, even to myself. They say we cannot feel, but when I hear that one word, it hurts me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fear Is The Color Green

I am a Nobody.

You can't imagine how long it took me to be able to say those words, even to myself. They say we cannot feel, but when I hear that one word, it hurts me.

Everyone in the castle copes with it differently. Some are angry, some are remorseful, some do not care. We all feel, but we don't. As I sit in my room and look at the pictures I have drawn, I think a lot on the word. Nobody.

I wish I wasn't so hurt and scared.

I wish I could be stronger.

I wish I was, if only a little bit, more like her.

Larxene.

I have to admit, I am somewhat afraid of her. Her violent tendencies make her rough around the edges, but she doesn't seem afraid of anything. I guess you could say I admire her too. She is so unlike me, small, vulnerable, childish. Sometimes she comes into my room and watches me. I sit at the white table littered with crayons and paper and she stands behind me and leans against the wall. It gets uncomfortable at times, her cold green eyes can be felt boring holes into me.

Like they are right now.

My hand is shaking as I set down a red crayon and pick up the green. I know the rest of my body is trembling and it worsens as I hear her laugh a little.

"I'm not that scary, am I?" I wish she wouldn't treat me like a child. Other than her amused giggle at my silence, the room is deathly quiet. As she walks up behind me, every step echoes tenfold and I can't breath right. I swallow my nerves when her hands touch my shoulders and I feel her whisper in my hair.

"Are you frightened yet?"

If what I am feeling now isn't emotion, I don't know what is.

"Yes." I take a shuddering breath as one of her gloved hands slides up from my shoulder, to lightly graze my neck, and to stop when it touches my cheek. I can't help but whimper slightly as the same hand pulls my head back and I am faced with the green eyes. Upside down or not, they still have the same effect on me, the green that makes you feel as if you are drowning in a deep pool and no one is there to save you.

I am afraid.

I cannot think clearly as she ducks from my view and I lift my head a little to face forward again and feel her lips on my neck. To believe that words so harsh and brazen could come from things so soft.

I feel goosebumps breaking out across my skin and I shiver violently. She laughs at this and the warm breath on my skin makes it worse. I find it easier to breath as she pulls away. Larxene walks around to the front and sits on the table in front of me.

I cannot meet those eyes.

"Look at me." I can't stop myself and look. For me, she radiates strength and beauty, like something dangerous. She gives me that snake-like smile and I look down again. I can hear her laugh to herself as she leaves the room and I look back at the table.

There is a new box of crayons.

\--

Axel has come to visit me today. He smiled a bit when he saw the new box of crayons. He's currently sitting on the edge of the table watching me draw. I like it when he visits. Sometimes he makes me laugh when he complains about a mission or the other members of the Organization. I guess you could call him a friend; it makes me happy to know I have at least one.

I remember during one visit he asked for a piece of paper and some crayons and drew with me. The result was a barely distinguishable Marluxia being eaten by what appeared to be a daisy with teeth, while a red-headed stick figure stood by and watched.

He really is a different person when no one else is around. I think it's sweet. I told him that once and his reply was a cocky, "Just don't tell anyone else that or it'll ruin my reputation, got it memorized?"

Today though, he is just content with watching me and sharing thoughts. His green eyes bright and quite different from Larxene's.

"So what's with the new crayons, Namine?"

"I got them yesterday." I know this won't be a satisfactory answer.

"From who? Surely not Marluxia." Without looking up from my picture, I know he's smirking, I can hear it in his voice.

"Ya'know, not many people come to visit you. I'm pretty sure I can narrow it down." He left it at that and stayed silent for the rest of the time until the, "See you later, Namine." before he left.

I already know he knows.

\--

She's back again.

It has been about four days since her last visit. She's exchanged her usual spot behind me for the wall facing me. As I gaze at her from under my eyelashes, I see that her eyes are closed and her arms are crossed in front of her. She looks like she's sleeping. In this position her face is completely relaxed and has an almost vulnerable look to it.

I want to see it up close.

I silently rise to my feet but immediately grab hold of the chair. My legs are shaking. After a few seconds they are steady enough to walk on and I step forward.

Sure enough, it is exactly how I thought. Gone is the cocky attitude, the smirk, the slight frown, she looks to be completely at peace. Having satisfied my curiosity, I turn to walk away when a hand grabs my wrist an pulls me around.

The look is still there. She isn't smiling but her face is still lax.

And the eyes.

This time they are different. They are sad eyes.

This isn't the same Larxene.

I am afraid.

"Why haven't you changed?" She asks me.

"You are still the quiet girl who keeps to herself. The shy girl who draws all day. The content girl who doen't ask for anything. Why haven't you changed?!" Her grip on my wrist tightens, it isn't painful, it feels like a child holding on for security.

As if letting go means loosing herself.

"I-I don't know..." My voice is a whisper. I can't breath as she pulls me into her arms. Hearing her erratic heartbeat against my ear, I realized something.

She is scared too.

"You can't begin to understand what you have, Namine." One of her hands begins to run through my hair.

"You are so lucky to not be in the Organization. You haven't had to steel yourself against your fears and doubts. We can feel... it's just different. You don't have to fight and toughen yourself up for anyone. These guys won't take you seriously or respect you if you aren't strong enough!" I realize she is talking about herself.  
"Namine, you don't have to change yourself for anyone. I wish... I wish I could be more like... you." I don't know what to say. Her grip on me has loosened and I pull back to look at her.

The strong woman I have idolized and feared is crying.

All ability to speak has left me. All I can do is stand and watch as her legs give out and she slides down the wall to sit with her knees bent in front of her. She looks so small and weak.

Like me.

I can feel her flinch at the sudden human contact as I kneel beside her and take her into my arms. After a few seconds, she returns the embrace and pulls me forward. The sudden movement brings me on top of her, straddling her legs.

She looks at me with those sad, green eyes again and I lose myself.

She brings me back with a kiss. I want to make her sadness go away. I want her to feel like I do. Hearts or not, I don't care. We pull apart and I smile at her. She smirks just slightly.

"Don't change Namine."

"Okay."

She kisses me again and I think back to that one word. Nobody. I don't feel as lonely anymore and as she pulls down my shoulder strap and I unzip her black coat, I forget it entirely.

\--

A week has passed. She's only come back twice since that day. During both visits she has just sat at the other end of the table, propped up by her elbows, watching me with that calm face. Before she left after the second visit she kissed me one last time.

"Don't change, Namine."

I knew something was going to happen.

\--

Marluxia has come to visit me today. He says he has plans to take care of and I play an important part. After he has left, Axel arrives. He grins at me, but he looks bothered by something. I can feel it.

"Hey Namine, do'ya mind if I draw with you today?" I shake my head and give him a piece of paper and some crayons. The only sound in the room is the soft scratching of the crayons on paper for the rest of the time he is there.

Before he leaves he pushes his drawing towards me.

"See'ya around, Namine." As he walks though the portal he's created, I pick up the drawing.

It's of me and Larxene holding hands.

I'm not afraid anymore.


End file.
